There will be times when you just aren't happy. Maybe you aren't happy with your relationship and it's lack of: intimacy, cuddles, time spent together, putting your needs first, being nice, being close without expecting sex, or simply, just saying... I love you. When these 'seasons' invade your love life, it doesn't mean you have to rely on someone else to get you happy again. It also doesn't mean you just ignore it and live with "that's how it is".
You don't have to rely on someone else to make you happy. Get happy and be happy anyway! #IntimateSelfTakesCareOfYourself
You Can Not Control Someone Else's Actions
As much as you may desire a remote control or automatic download for someone to love you and to bring you happiness just as you deserve...it's just not reality. Yet, for some of us, that's the expectation. We expect them to know what to do, when to do it, how to do it, and at the perfect time to show us love; which inevitably would make you happy. People are flawed... you included, Love. And that's okay!!
Since you are unable to control someone else, what you are able to control is how you decide to fulfill your own happiness anyway!
Get happy...here Are 5 Fail-Proof Ways To Do That
Trade Insulting Words Into Affirmations
Passive aggressiveness. It's nasty, it's sneaky, it's mean, and it can hurt you to the core. This really hurts people who's love language is Words Of Affirmation. This is just one example. As others around you, especially if it's your spouse, continue to say and make gestures that are not building you up, it tears you down. You soon find yourself not comfortable or liking the person. You start to feel negative - it's this negativity that creates the underlying unhappiness.
So here's what you do instead. It's coming, the words or the non-verbals...instead of absorbing them, affirm them. For example, if your spouse says, why isn't dinner ready yet? You know I'm coming home." "I'm so glad you are looking forward to my cooking! It'll be ready soon to satisfy your hunger."
Here are some other examples:
"You've been home all day, why is it such a mess, are you just laying around all day?" Affirmation: "It's really sweet that you want me to be in a clean environment all day long, thanks for caring about my health."
"You could lose some weight." Affirmation: "I love that you are looking at my body with desire, would you like to help me with a workout routine?"
He doesn't express a lot of (or any) non-sexual intimacy with you. Affirmation: "You work so hard for our family, thank you. I know you don't have a lot of time, but when you think of me, I appreciate it, even if we don't cuddle as much anymore."
"I don't understand why you.... it's a waste of time." Affirmation: "I love that you want to know me on a deeper level and we haven't been able to connect and communicate like you'd want, but I'd like to change that so you understand me better and I can respect your feelings about me."
You see, yes, it's a negative, unfriendly moment with your spouse or close person, however, they don't have to make you feel happy... you can reframe what they are saying to make yourself feel good and happy. It will take some practice but after a few times, you'll find yourself smiling. Speaking of smiling... we'll get to that in a moment.
Only you will take care of you. You can create the environment, the moment, and the present happiness if you choose to. What most people (and I'm calling out wives) tend to do is look at their circumstances and decide that their external environment determines if they will participate in self-care. This includes things like, having children, lack of finances, lack of loving-attention, lack of motivation due to your environment, and what others say about you. Yes, what others may say about you can actually stop you from taking care of yourself.
Regardless of your external circumstances, self-care is paramount if you want to create your own happiness. For example, I love participating in Zumba and fitness classes. However, I used to use my children as a clutch as to why I was hindered from going on a regular basis.
Until I realized I needed to do this for me... not the kids, action soon followed. So decide what it is that brings you pleasure and happiness without your spouse or others.
Make a list of what makes you happy when you are by yourself. Choose 1-3 things and DO THEM this week anyway. You'll come up with 1 million and 1 "reasons" why you shouldn't follow through. Now's the time to bust through those mental "stops" and do it anyway.
Studies have shown that when you smile, even if you don't mean it... your body and subconscious mind will be "tricked" into thinking that you are genuinely happy.
Smile anyway. When you practice some of your affirmations above when you reframe a negative comment or gesture, smile while you say it. Smile while you are in the shower (who doesn't love a shower??). Smile when you are taking your first bite of food after feeling famished (isn't that satisfying??). Smile at your spouse because you know he does work hard for you and he's still there (remember that time you couldn't wait to see him?).
Practice and remember and just smile anyway... "faking it till you make it" happy - a little mind trick works to your advantage.
Keep It Light-hearted
If you are in a bad place right now with your spouse...keep it light-hearted. Now's not the time to have those "serious" or "how you have to change" conversations. Be playful, kind, and easy-going with your words and body language. Touch people (your spouse) in a way that's encouraging and affectionate.
There's a fun, playful, and cray cray side of you... bring her out! Let her out! Life is serious enough on it's own... it doesn't mean you can't just be happy with some of the funnies in life you experience and create yourself. Release the pressure on yourself and experience fun again.
Yo... someone will say something hurtful. Like really hurtful. You'll feel the heat rising into your chest and your face my flush and you're just ready to let them have a piece of your mind.
It's a no-brainer... a simple little word, "Ouch." is all you need to say. It's one thing to lash out and get them back with a crisp insult, however, even if you do that... are you like head over heels, happy now? Probably not. But saying, "Ouch", and that's it... sends a signal to the person that what they said was just that... hurtful.
This wee little, powerful word just sent a signal to your spouse/person that their words aren't happy words. This gives them the opportunity to apologize, acknowledge their words, and possibly change their approach and words in the future. Now let them decide to make that change for themselves... in the meantime, be happy that you didn't lash out and expand the negative air around you!
There's a fun, playful, and cray cray side of you... be happy with some of the funnies in life you experience and create yourself.
How does someone affect your happiness? Continue the conversation below.
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