3 Unconscious Ways You Are Making Your Husband Unhappy – I Am Coach Andi

3 Unconscious Ways You Are Making Your Husband Unhappy

Focus - love marriage desires

If You're Unhappy, He Probably Is Too

chapter 6 - unhappy husband

When's the last time you thought about your husband's own happiness? What do you think an unhappy husband looks/acts like? 

If you’re anything like I was, you're probably baffled (because, is your marriage really about HIS happiness) and thinking about all the sh!7 he's put YOU through because really...at this point, you may not be too concerned about HIS happiness.  

...but perhaps you secretly are.

More...

If  you're unhappy, chances are, your spouse is too. But what if you're the cause? #BeAware #MarriageMatters #LoveFirst

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Is he unresponsive to some of your actions to just be close? Has he stopped complimenting you (even if it's been years)? Does it pretty much seem like he's going through the motions (similar to how you are with the kids, business, house chores, etc.)? Chances are...he's unhappy...because of you.

You guys are "together", but worlds apart from each other. 

He's Unhappy, You're Unhappy

unhappy husband - distant

So here are 3 Unconscious Ways You May Be  Sabotaging your husband's happiness {which is leaving you emotionally in the dust}. 

Not Asking For His Help

You are a strong and able woman, however, when you stop asking for your husband's help or taking his suggestions on how to do something...he's no longer your hero. He no longer feels "needed" by you. It's in his primitive nature to nurture and care for you - when you strip that away by doing everything yourself...then what's his purpose as your husband?


"But I've asked in the past and he doesn't help..."

Let me ask you... did he STOP helping or did he NEVER help in the first place? There's a HUGE difference here. If he stopped helping it's probably because any help he did give you was shot down, criticized on how he did it, or it was ignored, and you "redid" the task anyway. 


If he NEVER helped (we're talking since you've been together...and that's highly unlikely), what patterns were set early on in your relationship that made that OK? What was dating like? If that's his personality...then why would your expectations change just because you got married? 


Assumptions + Expectations = A Happily-Dead Relationship


Instead of hating him for your happiness..

  • Start Asking AGAIN...anyway
  • Ask using his LOVE LANGUAGE
  • Ask in a non-sexual intimate way
  • Hands Heart
    Receive his help unconditionally

Not Accepting The Help He Does Give You As Acceptable

Ladies... you are a professional, pristine, and you certainly have your particular ways on how you like things done. I get you. However, piggy-backing on the above, when he does help out (the way HE helps)...don't correct him. 

If you don't specify HOW you want something done when you are asking...then DON'T have expectations about how he'll do it.


And...


Don't assume he watches your every move to duplicate how you do things!


Don't you agree that he has his own style and you have yours? You two are different and some of those sexy differences attracted you to each other. 

If he's spending his time defending his actions and why he did something for you how is that pleasurable or making you both happy?


It certainly wouldn't make you happy to continually defend how you are helping him out and he doesn't seem to appreciate the effort you gave. 


Asking + The Expectation of HOW he does it to match your way = A Resentful & Unhelpful Husband


Instead...

  • Start Accepting his unique help
  • Ask specifically for help and how you'd like it done (and if he's willing to do it that way. Respect his answer)
  • Accept the outcome without 'redoing' the task yourself
  • Hands Heart
    Compliment the work he did for you in a non-sexual intimate way

Complaining More Than Loving

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. 


Isn't that the catch phrase that separates the mindsets and personalities of the sexes? Well, whatever the case... your husband isn't in your head. He doesn't know how you feel, what you are thinking, or what you need. He's only aware of what you tell him and MAYBE... he can decipher some non-verbal cues, but let's assume he doesn't. 


I get it... the kids, business, clients, food, dishes, laundry, and let's not even mention sex...yet! You do A LOT during the day and I'm sure that it's not all unicorn farts and rainbows (those are good things). Guess what? Your husband has his own set of stresses throughout the day as well. 

What I found out with my husband (that I was totally unaware of) was that home was his solace. A place where the stresses stopped until...

I laid out all my stresses of the day on him and THEN... kept at it because HE wasn't doing much to help me alleviate MY stresses (he was actually one of them and I let him know that) - he quickly became unhappy to be home.


Take a moment, a deep breath, and be honest with yourself. Do you find yourself complaining about the day's (and possibly his inactions) stresses more than you just love on him? Where you are talking more (when you do talk) about what's wrong with the kids, the house, what your husband could be doing...


When was the last time you were just with your husband... leaving any and all complaints in the wind? When was the last time you constantly talked about all the things that went so well that day, INCLUDING what you observed HE did well that day? 

Did he get up and get to work?

Did he pick up that item from the store for you?

Did the kids obey on the 3rd try instead of the 37th? 

Did lunch go well and it was tasty? 


Love on your day and transpose that love onto your husband...he WANTS to be happy at home - show him what that feels and looks like. 


Complaining + Your Stressed Out Energies = An Energetically Unhappy Home-Husband


Instead...

  • Start Finding ways to destress: journaling, mediation, etc
  • Ask your husband what stresses him out & if you can help
  • Ask to be his helper not his champion Cheer-Complainer
  • Hands Heart
    Focus on the loving things that bring you joy throughout the day so it overflows onto your husband when he's home

There is so much more you can do...And it doesn't add any extra time to your day.

You don't need your husband to be happy in order for you to be happy. However, it sure does make it a more pleasurable relationship (with less tress) when you both are. These tips are just a starting point... see below how you can daily integrate non-sexual intimacy and more emotional connection with your husband.

He really is worth it.

There are 50 Ways to connect intimately and emotionally with your husband...you just have to be willing to do them. #AreYou  How do you connect with your spouse? 

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"Happy Husband" Recap

YOU can make a difference...even if it seems like he's not paying attention.

  • Don't stop asking him to help you even though you can do it yourself.
  • Thank him and walk away - the how he did it doesn't matter.
  • Use your journal time to complain...use your hubby time to love. 
  • Box with Heart
    Grab Your 50 Chats & Touches...50 Ways to connect emotionally & intimately without arguing

Each week I post a new chapter with some marriage enhancing strategies on my blog -bookmark this page! 

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About the Author

Coach Andi, THE Intimacy 4-Evers Expert I mentor married female entrepreneurs to increase non-sexual intimacy so they can have conversations that don’t feel like they’re being stabbed in the back and have an even deeper emotional connection with their husbands... forever. All the while building a bad@ss business.

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