It’s no longer forbidden! The pleasurable and satisfying thirst to mix business and pleasure is now within your grasp. You’re married! BUT… here’s the thing. It’s allowable but not always doable, wanted, or worse, implemented. Perhaps you’re even driving your husband away with your business dreams and aspirations instead of having his love and support with your endeavors unconditionally. Either way, you’re in the business and pleasure zone…it’s whether or not you want the affection, cuddles, and profits from scoring every single day. And if you want it, like a new $10K client… keep reading bad@ss business wife!
I hear so many times that women feel unable to share their business ventures with their spouse. Sometimes it’s because they fear judgment, criticism, doubt, or they hear their spouse trying to “fix” their business problems that the women feel like they didn’t even have! This can be frustrating if not downright disheartening. I don’t blame you! I felt exactly the same way during my first few years of trying to build a business (I also felt like he didn’t believe in me).
In order to have MORE feelings of success in your business, you’re going to have to have MORE connection with the one who’s opinion matters the most. That starts with sharing your business with them, no matter what. It’s a lifestyle you have together, not separately. If you can’t share with them, more than likely you’ll hold back with whom and what you share outside of the home.
So, despite feeling like I may encounter some negativity… I shared anyway! Don’t you step outside of your “comfort zone” at times in your business and it happens to work out beautifully?! Do the same with your spouse and convey your feelings on how he can encourage your business growth. TELL HIM… don’t assume he’ll just ‘get it’!! LOL… that doesn’t work!
Mix up your business ventures with exactly how you want to feel good sharing it with your spouse. This is truly integrating business and pleasure succinctly.
9) Ask Questions
Assumptions KILLS! I don’t want you to emotionally die in your marriage!! Instead of running your life on ‘maybe’s’ and ‘what if’s’… just ask questions and get clarification. Understanding each other through asking direct questions makes all the stress nearly dissipate like a bad fart. Which means… you’ll want to be closer to him because he GETS you. There’s nothing sexier than having a man who GETS your point of view… especially when he understands it from your entrepreneurial standpoint.
8) Don’t Assume
Let’s go a step further… wouldn’t you agree that if someone were totally judging you about your character or integrity and started acting out based upon what they assumed was true… wouldn’t that just tick you off!? Yeah, of course, it would! You’re probably wondering why that person just didn’t come to you and ask about whatever it was they were thinking was true about you.
Guess what?! The same goes in your relationship! Just imagine, that’s probably how your husband feels. He’s clueless on why you say or do things a certain way, but yet in your mind.. it makes sense because you happened to assume a certain thought, idea, or action he took meant something other than his true intentions.
You want a remarkable relationship in your marriage…and how your business clients treat you…assume that the only thing that’s true, is your assumptions are wrong until proven otherwise.
7) Treat Him Like A VIP Client (With Personal Bonuses)
How would you treat a $10K paid-in-full VIP client? I bet you’d not only be very happy to work with them, but you know you are expecting to serve up your very best so that they can be the very best of themselves.
Well, you’ve invested your life to your spouse…they are worth far more than a measly (yes… measly) $10,000. Would you smile at you $10K client? Smile at your spouse. Would you ask how your $10K is doing/feeling on a regular basis? Ask your spouse. Would you ask your $10K client how best to serve them while working together? Ask your spouse how you can best serve their needs. Ingraine your “business and pleasure” like you intertwine your Facebook and Instagram posts…it just works when you use both together.
Woo them and create the environment for change, growth, and transformation. And while you’re at it…remember why you got married. The butterflies, the excitement, the anticipation of just being together. This is where your VIP spouse also remembers their bonus…you.
6) Stop “Working”
No one wants to be ignored. I get it, the hustle and passion you have for your business literally drives you! I have that same passion! And that passion can ruin our business and pleasure cocktail and turn it sour quick. This can lead to resentments, statements that are unkind, and distance between you both. It takes two for sure, just be sure you’re not one of the two that’s adding to the ‘no pleasure zone’ marriage.
Know when to stop working and give time and attention to the pleasure of your marriage.
You’ll have to mentally prepare yourself in the beginning…but trust me, it gets easier and definitely more worthwhile when you “turn off” the business side and “turn on” your pleasure zones. Hey… whether it’s sexual or non-sexual, pleasure, gratification, and connectedness with your love is all that matters.
5) Don’t “Coach” Him
No “man” wants to be told how, when, or where to do things in his own home. Your clients may need that kind of hand-holding, but not your spouse. He’s left his mama’s house and now desires a wife (and mother to his children). A woman who wants to be his wife and act like it.
Do a little check-in with yourself. Do you find that you nik-pick at the things he does, kind of like you do with the children? I can’t count how many times my husband has asked me (repeatedly) to stop treating him like one of the children. I didn’t even realize I was doing it! After several incidences, I could tell it was really hindering our relationship. I was using what I had learned as a professional coach to “correct” his “behavior”.
Of course…he saw it differently. This was not a healthy mix of incorporating my business into our relationship as it was only repelling him. He didn’t want to be coached, corrected, or told what to do instead…he just wanted to be accepted as himself. This includes all the decisions he decides to make. So instead of “coaching” him, just listen and be with him as his wife…not the businesswoman.
4) Put Your Relationship First (& He Knows It)
Deadlines, phone calls, emails to respond to, social media posts… the list goes on! But guess what… those things do not come before your spouse. Even during the times it’s not so great between you two. I understand, because when there’s a bit of “ugh” between Jeff and me, diving into work puts me in a better place. To be completely honest, it means I don’t have to think about it or deal with the tension that’s between us.
This isn’t going to keep the spark in our marriage, especially the pleasure aspects (even the non-sexual times together that are nice, like cuddles and hand holding). When he asks you for a favor, promptly acknowledge his request and find a stopping point within just a few minutes if not right away. Show him that you truly care about his needs before your business. This actually works out really well and you won’t fall behind on your tasks! Men rarely need a whole lot of your personal time – so for those few precious minutes they do ask for it, make sure they know they come first in your heart.
3) Keep Him In The Loop
How’s the business coming along?
Embrace questions like these!!! You may be tempted to brush them off and just get back to work, however, let him in! Of all the times you think he doesn’t do enough for you or support you and your endeavors, these moments that he inquiries are real moments of him showing you he’s interested.
Yes, perhaps it’s been 3 years and he’s never asked before… and? What does that have to do with this moment right here and now? Wouldn’t it be nice for him to ask now than never take an interest in your passion and business? Brush aside any inkling of making a snide remark and just be in the moment and appreciate the moment now.
If you feel the need… let him know exactly what’s going on. The great, the good, the snags…everything. Let him know that you’re working on it. Give him an overview at first and ask if he wants details. be in control of how you bring him into your side of the business world that makes it comfortable for you and understanding to him. Let him have the opportunity to rejoice in his wife who’s making a difference in the world. Why deny him that? Why deny yourself that pleasure?
2) Stop Asking For Affection
Is it doing you any good or creating more frustrations and disappointments? Wouldn’t it just be easier to not say anything and have your spouse naturally and lovingly be drawn to you?
Yeah, we thought so too. Laura Doyle is precisely right when it didn’t work in her marriage either (like it didn’t work in mine – to constantly ask for affection). Her first advice…Stop talking about it. Honestly, I personally stopped talking about it because I wasn’t getting any results! Whether it’s intentional or not to stop mentioning it… it’s a good thing.
The perfect, ‘be drawn to me like bacon’ affection happened when I did something (yet again unconsciously) I rarely did in our first years together.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T him. And I said it too! I said I respect…. and followed it with an action he did every day. Something as simple as saying “I really respect your time and dedication you put forth into your job for your family. Thank you.”
That alone I think I got dishes done for me without even asking!! There’s literally MAGIC in respecting your man and unicorn farts (the smells of joy) of pleasure when he knows you respect him. Couple this respect thang with the joy of your youth, today. In other words, don’t stop being fun!! Life is waaay too serious and coined “busy” like every waking minute… but gosh… show him you’re the woman of endless time who’s full of joy and life yet. You’re still fun! If you don’t like fun…well, then ask yourself… who took your fun away? Go get it back and share that pleasure with your spouse during after-business hours!
1) Don’t Forget To Satisfy Yourself – First
That’s right… YOU need to care for YOU first and foremost. Nothing changed in my relationship until I address what I needed to do for me. I get it, it’s sooo easy to be on the outside looking in and pointing out the wrongs, mistrust, dishonesty, and the “you need to fix…” items in our spouse. But truth be told… that sh!7 just doesn’t work, or change anything positive about the other person.
I had to suck it up and put myself on the inside while I continued to look from the outside. It’s not easy but it’s so rewarding and liberating! To finally let go of control, the anxiety, the stress, the situations that I literally had no control over anyway…the things cluttering my true desires for my life. Once you start looking inward and accepting what YOU need first – start implementing them.
Your self-care gets noticed. Your mindset and mental health improves dramatically. Your family sees a more calm, cool, and collected woman. Your clients are more drawn to your calm energies and noted self-care routine that keeps you vibrant and refreshed…and….
Your husband is drawn to woman he is privileged to call “wife” who has intentionally set aside a routine to care for herself. The best part… he in no way can see this as selfish. My husband loves it when I rock my self-care. Not only does he see me serving my clients and giving them remarkable results…he knows and trusts that I’ll do the same for us.
[thrive_text_block color=”light” headline=””] Bonus Business And Pleasure Tip:
Live According To Other’s Love Language
There are five very specific and quite accurate languages of love. According to Gary Chapman, humans have a natural love-need that will enable them to thrive through life. For years I didn’t quite know exactly what I needed from my husband and at the same time, I didn’t know what he needed either. It’s one thing to be at odds with each other but when you know you aren’t getting what you need and are unable to fully voice in a very specific and concise way…how can your relationship fully grow and mature into a love that’s unbreakable? This is a direct separation of business and pleasure.
Study the 5 Love Languages, take the quiz and be in the KNOW of what you need, what your spouse needs and finally…what your clients needs! Yes, I personally even use these in my business. Why? Because I work with humans who need love too. [/thrive_text_block]
Business and pleasure should never be separated in a committed and loving relationship. Even if there is marital strife and conflicts that aren’t ideal – keeping them separated leads to an eventual separation of either the marriage or the business. Just because you’re “together”…it doesn’t mean your heart is fulfilled and whole. Want to learn more about creating your #IntimateSelf in order to create and live the fulfilling marriage you desire and deserve?
Just single-click here and tell me what’s the biggest change you desire your marriage – then I’ll tell you exactly how to make that happen within 30 minutes or less!? Ready?